So they came, all 8 of them, a big well done to them all. I think some of them would definitely preferred not to come so I am even more grateful to them. I figured I would take off from where the previous 4 workshops left off and start with works on Virginity as a Construct and then go from there. I needed to see where the conversation went. I think some of them came prepared to hear my side as combative (or perhaps I projected that I don’t know) and so trying to start off with a conversation about contemporary male dominated language around virginity wasn’t the easiest. They didn’t come with me on the concept and collectively, the narrative that virginity was routed in the economic value of women seemed just an accepted fact that didn’t need unpicking. They weren’t condoning it but it’s an example of a difference in the gendered approaches. Women would sit and ask why and unpick how that historical misogny has affected their lives and histories. The dads quite rightly pointed to the equal pressures on boys to “lose” their virginities but were also less inclined to consider the LGBTQ* angles on a lot of the conversations also.
I’m not going to get too granular about all of the conversations and perspectives here but I will say the overall observation was that the small male participation I was lucky to have tended to try and get very macro in view, taking things from the angle of a socio-anthropological even evolutionary perspective. At times it was had to hear their personal perspectives on some ideas and conversations. But not all the time, there were some good conversations and shared experiences too. The women who participated were the total opposite. They shared and chatted, debated and supported each other fairly effortlessly and were far more willing to sit and be “micro” in thought, unpicking things and asking questions of themselves and their parenting etc.
I was unsure if the dads really liked the art and I forgot to show them some newer images from Jeff Koons that think would have been interesting. Showing both sets of workshops some images from 90’s advertising and popular culture was really interesting. I hadn’t intended to and just added them in at the last minute. I could talk about all the differences for hours. Fascinating!
However I am aware that this was a small dad participants from a very small area of a particular place. But it’s also given me lots to learn from and think about when it comes to engaging dads as part of families raising kids and talking about all kinds of culturally relevant things beyond sex ed in the home. I am so grateful to all the dads that came and participated in the workshop, it was a steep learning curve for all of us and it was good. I know that some of the ideas generated in this process are at times perhaps considered a little radical and it’s important to remember that also.